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My son is four years old and enjoys laying on the floor with his hands on his genitals and rubbing. What should I do?


From the Expert From the Teen Expert
Your son's behavior is perfectly normal. In fact, most children masturbate, or stimulate their genitals for pleasure. That's because children learn at a very young age that touching themselves — especially their sex organs — feels good. Nevertheless, some parents find it difficult to accept that their child masturbates. It's sometimes difficult to acknowledge that our children are sexual beings.

Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of a person's physical and sexual development. Most children and adults masturbate at some point in their lives. The difference across the lifespan is that sexual thoughts and fantasies begin to accompany self-stimulation once children enter adolescence and start puberty.

Even though it is very common for children to explore their bodies, it's important to help them understand that masturbation must be done in private. The next time you observe your son touching his genitals you might say: 'I know that what you're doing feels good, but it's private so you must do it when you are alone.'

If parents react negatively to their child's masturbation behavior — by yelling or slapping their children's hands away — the children may continue to touch themselves anyway, but they'll feel guilty about it. Children may also develop feelings of shame or guilt about their bodies. And they may not trust their parents later in life for guidance about sex and sexuality.

Some parents may want to discourage their children from masturbating. Keep in mind, however, that it's not helpful to punish a child to keep him or her from masturbating. Instead, the best way to discourage this behavior is by distracting the child by providing a different activity, such as reading a book or playing a game.

I agree with the expert — children touch themselves when they are young because they are curious about their bodies and because it feels good. Children need to know there is a time and place for everything. Just as you would instruct your son not to take off his clothes in public, you can instruct your child not to touch his penis in public. Just make sure the message you send isn't that the penis is bad, or that touching the penis is bad, but that there is a place and a time for everything.

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