Most children touch themselves for pleasure — from birth. In fact, masturbation is very common during childhood because babies are quick to learn that touching themselves — especially their genitals — feels good. As babies become toddlers, many become curious about their parents' and peers' bodies, too. This is a perfectly normal part of development.

Your pre-adolescent daughter has reached a time when it's typical for children to experiment with some sexuality-related behaviors, such as "playing doctor" — looking at and touching one another's bodies, including each other's genitals. It's exploration through which children learn that their bodies are normal. In fact, many young children may conduct this kind of sex play with friends of both genders — which has nothing to do with a child's sexual orientation, being straight or gay.

Typically, this kind of exploration is infrequent. It is important to know that it is not typical for this kind of exploration to be habitual or for it to include vaginal or anal intercourse or oral sex. Those kinds of behaviors could be signs that a child is being sexually abused by an older person.

It's difficult to assess exactly at what age a child is "emotionally ready" to engage in any type of sexual exploration or behavior. Bear in mind, however, that when children your daughter's age explore their own and each other's bodies, they don't do it with the same sexual intent or feelings as adults. Sexual arousal, awareness, feelings, fantasies, and desires develop later on in adolescence. The same basically holds true for the forging of romantic and other intimate relationships. Behavior in children that appears sexual in the adult sense, is a red flag that professional counseling may be needed.

It sounds as though you've already begun to talk with your daughter about sexuality-related issues — that's terrific! While you want your child to feel that her explorations are okay and normal — which is what children want to know most — it is also important not to intrude on this very private activity by asking intimate questions about whether she has done this or that with her friend.

However, If you discover your child "playing doctor," it is best to apologize for interrupting and close the door or offer a pleasant distraction like, "I was wondering if you two would like to help me make cookies." Later on, when the two of you are alone, you can ask your child if she was okay with what you saw going on. You want to make sure that she understands that she has the right to say "no" to unwanted touching — both in this scenario with her peer and in any situation in the future. And, of course, she must also know that she needs to respect the wishes of others with regard to their bodies.

It's great that you understand the phases of your daughter's development and exploration and that you are willing to discuss such things with her! This is so important because you are creating a wonderful foundation that will encourage her to come to you now and in the future with her questions and concerns about sex and sexuality.